NCNF's "Learn to Lobby, for fun and profit..."
[A Cynic's View]

Step right up, even you can
Influence/Lobby the Albany-Critters

(or any other Poly-Ticking* creature, for that matter!)...

How A Bill Becomes Law...

  1. Your Albany-Critter, either Assembly'ho or Senate'ho, gets an idea for a bill from constituents, from organized interest groups, by perceiving [or making up] local/statewide needs, by letting their penis think for them or by getting a vaginal itch.

  2. After deciding to sponsor a bill, the Albany-Critter has the bill drafted by "drafting specialist." The bill is then filed and gets an official number (Annnnn/Snnnnn). Bills can be co-sponsored by several Critters at the same time.

  3. The bill is then assigned to a committee for review and examination, usually rectal. The committee studies the bill and vote whether to 'kill' (defeat) it, hold it for further surgical examination or send it on to the full Assembly/Senate floor for a vote.

  4. On the Assembly/Senate floor, the bill's sponsor(s) explain it and defend it, if there is a debate. If it passes, it goes to the 'other' house'o-critters for a similar abusing ride.

  5. If both houses pass the bill, it goes to the Gov'nor, who can either sign it into law or veto it . If the 'King' vetoes it, the legislature can override the veto with a 2/3-vote, and thus [still] making the bill a law.

How To Influence The Critters...

  1. Give your Critters ideas for new laws or for corrections to existing laws. The best way to do this is to take-off from work, losing pay, and go to Albany to talk to your Critter. Supposedly, you can help to pass or defeat legislation by making sure that your Critter knows your opinions. Usually, though, your Critter has their own personal agenda and does not care what you have to say, as the people's agenda is of little consequence when pursuing a governmental pension.

  2. It is important to know the official number of the bill and its sponsor(s). Using numbers instead of words, makes it easier for the Critter to understand.

  3. If your bill gets drafted, assigned a number and is assigned to a committee, WRITE, CALL, EMAIL or VISIT (again, taking off from work) the committee chair and the other committee members. It helps if a committee member is from your district, as Critters really only care about their own bills.

  4. Just before your bill comes up for a vote by all the Critters on the Assembly/Senate floor, and no one will let you know when that is - sometimes it is at 11:30pm, send letters and make calls about your bill. A bill, once out of committee can be voted on as quickly as 3-days or as slow as they wish to make it. Again, if it passes, it goes to the 'other' house'o-critters for a similar abusing ride.

  5. Don't forget to WRITE, CALL, and EMAIL the Gov'nor, who must decide whether the bill becomes law. You should also pray to the G-d of Deals, for a deal that the Gov'nor can't pass up.

  6. If your bill becomes law, congratulate yourself by dancing in the street at 12am, wearing only a pair of mukluks.

Tips For Lobbying the Critters...

  1. Make an appointment to see your Critter at their Albany or District office. Remember, you MUST take off from work and lose pay to do this, as the Critter usually does not have night or Saturday hours.

  2. When you speak to the Critter, have a short, simply written statement outlining your views. Give a copy to the Critter, as this will remove their fear of looking stupid.

  3. If you go in group, please choose a spokesperson. Critters are naturally fearful of small closed spaces with many hostile constituents, so please speak softly, simply and to the point.

  4. KNOW YOUR TOPIC INSIDE AND OUT. The 'pros' and 'cons' of your proposal. Remember, your Critter knows absolutely nothing about anything, until you educate them (Current 'Feel-Good,' Do Nothing laws support this notion).

  5. Send a follow-up thank you letter, even if they were rude and obnoxious. Thank them either for their support or tell them that you hope they will reconsider their position (rarely ever happens).

  6. You can find out a bill's number by calling the Public Information Office at 518-455-4218.

Remember...Take your kids to the range...Shoot, have fun and teach responsibility! But most of all, teach them to be safe.

This rant is the sole opinion of the NCNF. It is based upon REAL information used for Lobbying. But as we all know, in NYS, the Critters' personal agenda supersedes the peoples' agenda, as Feel-Good, Do-Nothing legislation abounds. Most Critters have forsaken their 'Oath to Office' and care very little for the State's Constitution...To saying nothing of their support for the U.S. Constitution and the Bill of Rights.

*Poly-Tick = Multi-sided, multi-mouthed, blood-sucking parasite.